Monday, November 12, 2007
Locks of Love!
On Thursday I made the decision to cut my hair, and donate it to locks of love. :) So on Saturday 11/10, Joseph, my bestfriend Tara, and I went to Fantastic Sams and got it done, its a good feeling, although its the shortest my hair has ever been. I'm happy that I decided to do it.
Locks of Love is a public non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children under age 18 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis. We meet a unique need for children by using donated hair to create the highest quality hair prosthetics. Most of the children helped by Locks of Love have lost their hair due to a medical condition called alopecia areata, which has no known cause or cure. The prostheses we provide help to restore their self-esteem and their confidence, enabling them to face the world and their peers.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Over at last
Now i am not saying that getting married and going on a beautiful honeymoon wasn't amazing. Becky and I are so thankful for all the well wishes that we recieved and all the people we got to meet together. But I have to say that we are glad to be home and just be able to live as a married couple. It was really hard to go to work today after taking all these days off and like my brother Jukka says in his blog I have a pile of paper work to do and inventory to count. It seems that in the 10 days i missed from work a months work sprung. Even with that it is good to get to normal life. Becky agrees with everything except me going to work.
It was great spending time with both families and watching them mingle. Becky and I were both alittle worried how some of Beckys neices and nephews would react to Jukka and Göran. But to our delite they loved them. Richard our nephew form Beckys sister Jennifer kept asking if they were coming up cause he missed them. Thats is better that i could ever hoped our family blended seemlesly. I only wish that my sister Tina could of made it with her beautiful children.
It was great spending time with both families and watching them mingle. Becky and I were both alittle worried how some of Beckys neices and nephews would react to Jukka and Göran. But to our delite they loved them. Richard our nephew form Beckys sister Jennifer kept asking if they were coming up cause he missed them. Thats is better that i could ever hoped our family blended seemlesly. I only wish that my sister Tina could of made it with her beautiful children.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Time flys
Last Monday Becky and i got up early to do some pre wedding activities. The first thing we did was go to the city offices and got our Marriage licences. Its funny how as soon as she handed it to Becky that i realized that i was getting married in less that two weeks. The emotions of fear of not being a good enough husband to Becky and excitement of spending my life with her just flooded over me. So much emotions that i actually called of work because it made me fell overwhelmed and a little sick to be honest. We continued to do our shopping and I even though it was close it was still two weeks away.
I remember as a kid that when i was looking forward to something no matter if its 2 weeks or 2 hours it takes forever to get here. So I tried to anticipate it to much. The next thing i know its Sunday night and i am getting married on this Friday. My and here family is coming to town. The day that have been waiting for a year is finally i here. woo hooo i am so excited i can't wait. Its funny every one that has seen me comments how happy and excited i am. Friday is a start of a brand new adventure.
I remember as a kid that when i was looking forward to something no matter if its 2 weeks or 2 hours it takes forever to get here. So I tried to anticipate it to much. The next thing i know its Sunday night and i am getting married on this Friday. My and here family is coming to town. The day that have been waiting for a year is finally i here. woo hooo i am so excited i can't wait. Its funny every one that has seen me comments how happy and excited i am. Friday is a start of a brand new adventure.
There are the gays at your wedding?
This past week i passed out my wedding announcements to friends and some of my old bosses. I had the usual questions about where Becky and I are getting married, who is marring us and who is in my line. When i get to the last question and answer my Brothers Mark and Jukka and my brother in law Goran. They always ask is Goran married to my sister in Utah or my sister in Mass. Its kind of funny to see there jaws drop when i say that he is my Brothers Jukka's Husband. Then the shocking thing happens. Some people actually have the Gaul to ask why i am having Goran or even my brother Jukka in my line.
Now I know that the Gay marriage ( That Becky and I both support) is a national taboo. Especially in Utah where " If we don't talk about it the problem will go away". But come on are we not in the year 2007 what difference does it make if my brother is gay or not. Am i supposed to love only those that are heterosexual and not those that are different. When Christ said to love everyone did he mean except those pesky gays. It kinda funny how people want to take part of his teachings and throw away those that make them a little uncomfortable.
Where if comes to Goran when Becky and I where talking to about who we want on our line they are the ones i have. I consider Goran and my brother. I love him as much as i love my other two brothers i would never ever exclude him from the happiest day of our lives. Becky agrees that's what i tell all those people that don't understand how to love. Gay or straight doesn't matter family love knows no orientation. Well just wanted to vent i can't understand how people try to make others conform to there way to thinking. I just want to be happy with my family.
Now I know that the Gay marriage ( That Becky and I both support) is a national taboo. Especially in Utah where " If we don't talk about it the problem will go away". But come on are we not in the year 2007 what difference does it make if my brother is gay or not. Am i supposed to love only those that are heterosexual and not those that are different. When Christ said to love everyone did he mean except those pesky gays. It kinda funny how people want to take part of his teachings and throw away those that make them a little uncomfortable.
Where if comes to Goran when Becky and I where talking to about who we want on our line they are the ones i have. I consider Goran and my brother. I love him as much as i love my other two brothers i would never ever exclude him from the happiest day of our lives. Becky agrees that's what i tell all those people that don't understand how to love. Gay or straight doesn't matter family love knows no orientation. Well just wanted to vent i can't understand how people try to make others conform to there way to thinking. I just want to be happy with my family.
Friday, August 17, 2007
I have Neurofibromatosis
Neurofibromatosis (NF) is a genetic disorder of the nervous system which causes tumors to form on the nerves anywhere in the body at any time. This progressive disorder affects all races, all ethnic groups and both sexes equally. NF is one of the most common genetic disorders in the United States (one in every 3,000 to 4,000 births).
NF has two genetically distinct forms: NF-1 and NF-2. The effects of NF are unpredictable and have varying manifestations and degrees of severity. There is no known cure for either form of NF, although the genes for both NF-1 and NF-2 have been identified.
My story: When I was born there was a weakness in a bone in my left leg, my parents believed it to be broken, I was taken to the doctor, and they found out that I have Neurofibromatosis type one, also known as NF1 (not sure how many test, if any, were done, or how many cast were put on to help heal my leg, or how many doctors I'd seen) I had 5 surgeries before I was two and a half years old. From stories that I've heard, I had pins and rods put in it, bone taken from my right leg and hip to try to fuse the bone, many body casts, my mom tells me that my foot didn't even look like a foot anymore, it looked more like a club, because of all the casts and surgeries, my mother made a very hard decision... to have her baby girls leg amputated. It was that, or go through who knows how many more surgeries. I had two more since then, one was to fix the growing sharpening bone, and another to make a "bridge" and to fix the nerves so they wouldn't be so sensitive. During the last (6 hour surgery) they removed two neurofibromas (benign tumors.) This was the first I heard that I could develop them, I really hadn't done any research on NF, I now know that I can develop them anywhere in/on my body, that I know of I have at least 5, but I have no idea how many I really have, without getting testing done.
I'm the youngest of three children, the only one that has NF, no one in my family has any signs of it, I have 100's of café-au-lait spots, and there isn't anyone else in the family that meets that criteria, thankfully.
Growing up having NF, a fake leg, was really hard, I really didn't see my self as different because of this disorder, but other kids did, I was made fun of a lot as a child, but I stood my ground, in my eyes I wasn't all that different, People would ask about my spots, a lot comment on them being ugly birthmarks (I always had to correct them, because thats not what they are, and I was proud that I knew that, and proud that I could say such a big phrase.) I was always told that I couldn't do this and couldn't do that, my leg didn't limit me that much when I was little, oh and on top of all that I was diabetic! Sucked for me, no chocolate cake! (I'm not anymore, thank goodness, I "grew" out of it, surprised my doctors thats for sure!)
Now it saddens me to say, when I'm not wearing my leg, using crutches to get around, its adults that stare. Sheesh and they tell their children not to stare. My nephews and nieces used to ask me why people were staring, to them it was "normal" I'd just smile and and say "They don't understand" or "they are just curious." sometimes I would throw in a "they weren't taught, it's not nice to stare."
NF has two genetically distinct forms: NF-1 and NF-2. The effects of NF are unpredictable and have varying manifestations and degrees of severity. There is no known cure for either form of NF, although the genes for both NF-1 and NF-2 have been identified.
NF is an autosomal dominant genetic condition; it is not contagious. Approximately 50% of those affected with neurofibromatosis have a prior family history of NF. The other 50% of cases are the result of spontaneous genetic mutation. If an individual does not have NF, s/he can not pass it on to his/her children.
Joseph Merrick, whose condition was depicted in the play and film, The Elephant Man, is often incorrectly thought to have had neurofibromatosis. Merrick's condition has been identified as Proteus Syndrome, a disorder similar to NF, but unrelated
Courtesy of www.nfinc.org
My story: When I was born there was a weakness in a bone in my left leg, my parents believed it to be broken, I was taken to the doctor, and they found out that I have Neurofibromatosis type one, also known as NF1 (not sure how many test, if any, were done, or how many cast were put on to help heal my leg, or how many doctors I'd seen) I had 5 surgeries before I was two and a half years old. From stories that I've heard, I had pins and rods put in it, bone taken from my right leg and hip to try to fuse the bone, many body casts, my mom tells me that my foot didn't even look like a foot anymore, it looked more like a club, because of all the casts and surgeries, my mother made a very hard decision... to have her baby girls leg amputated. It was that, or go through who knows how many more surgeries. I had two more since then, one was to fix the growing sharpening bone, and another to make a "bridge" and to fix the nerves so they wouldn't be so sensitive. During the last (6 hour surgery) they removed two neurofibromas (benign tumors.) This was the first I heard that I could develop them, I really hadn't done any research on NF, I now know that I can develop them anywhere in/on my body, that I know of I have at least 5, but I have no idea how many I really have, without getting testing done.
I'm the youngest of three children, the only one that has NF, no one in my family has any signs of it, I have 100's of café-au-lait spots, and there isn't anyone else in the family that meets that criteria, thankfully.
Growing up having NF, a fake leg, was really hard, I really didn't see my self as different because of this disorder, but other kids did, I was made fun of a lot as a child, but I stood my ground, in my eyes I wasn't all that different, People would ask about my spots, a lot comment on them being ugly birthmarks (I always had to correct them, because thats not what they are, and I was proud that I knew that, and proud that I could say such a big phrase.) I was always told that I couldn't do this and couldn't do that, my leg didn't limit me that much when I was little, oh and on top of all that I was diabetic! Sucked for me, no chocolate cake! (I'm not anymore, thank goodness, I "grew" out of it, surprised my doctors thats for sure!)
Now it saddens me to say, when I'm not wearing my leg, using crutches to get around, its adults that stare. Sheesh and they tell their children not to stare. My nephews and nieces used to ask me why people were staring, to them it was "normal" I'd just smile and and say "They don't understand" or "they are just curious." sometimes I would throw in a "they weren't taught, it's not nice to stare."
Insomnia...hmm
Well its 10:12 am according to the little clock at the corner of the screen, up early? (funny how I'd actually consider 10 in the morning early lol) But... No! I haven't slept, we usually don't get to bed until 3-4 since Joseph comes home around 1 or so, so the usual time we get up? Him: 1 o'clock or so, so he can get ready for work. Me: when ever I decided to get up which might be at 2:30 or... most of the time later, since I usually don't go to sleep until about 6, 7..... 10 whenever, I'm usually not affected by this lack of sleep, kinda used to it really. I've been this way for a long as I can remember, I've always had poor sleeping habits, I can go days without sleeping, a few weeks ago I got NINE hours total of sleep in a week, ugh I was hating life then, I HATE taking sleeping pills, they make me feel weird, groggy, and they quickly and stop working, or I feel I'm becoming dependent on them, like I can't sleep without them. I take pain pills and muscle relaxers for my back pain, caused by my prothesis not fitting properly, and or aches and pains, most likely because of the same thing, those don't even help me sleep! *sigh* Oh well! I'll live :)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Hang on
She whispers softly into the wind
here I go again letting my self fall,
fall in love again
I opened a door
Into a living hell
A living nightmare
Which I said I’d never do again
Its there I can tell
the sadness that is concealed
You think you should hide
From the pain you feel inside
To lay it away
For no one to
The wounds cannot mend
Keeping them locked inside
here I go again letting my self fall,
fall in love again
I opened a door
Into a living hell
A living nightmare
Which I said I’d never do again
Its there I can tell
the sadness that is concealed
You think you should hide
From the pain you feel inside
To lay it away
For no one to
The wounds cannot mend
Keeping them locked inside
(this poem was written sometime in 2003)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
changes in lives
Its funny how quickly your life can change. Its never how you expect it to be. It just seems like yesterday that i wasn't dating anyone and i spent all my time working, sleeping, and playing video games. Then i met Becky i think i knew the first time i talked to her that she was the one i wanted to spend the rest of forever with. when i met Becky I was working 65 hour weeks. I started cutting back on my work load. I had someone more important to be with. I would finnish work about 2:30am on friday night then drive 3 hours to Roosevelt Utah and it was amazing how fast it went. It was like driving home cause she was there. When we got engaged over a year ago it seemed like our wedding day was a lifetime away and then i blinked and here we are two months away. Now I have only alittle time to play my games and i wouldn't change that for anything. Istead of vanquishing video game baddies I am planning for a wedding and trying to save up to buy a house where we can start a family. Life isn't easy i know but its times like this that makes it worth it. I love her with all my heart and will forever.
Monday, August 13, 2007
You see, me.
when you look into my eyes
you by pass my insecurities
you over look my faults
you tell me them
but you don't reprimand
you see what I don't see
you look at me from the inside out
while I struggle to look from the outside in
fighting to find out who I am
you've known the whole time.
Meant to be forgotten
Some days were better then others
No one realized
What we were putting each other through
Words were said and things were done
That shouldn’t have been
The arguments have now subsided
Things left undecided
Words that should have been untouched,
Were touched much too often
“Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me”
So they say
Broken bones heal
Wounds mend
Bruises disappear
All you have is the story to tell,
Or lock away inside
Words are often not forgotten.
No one realized
What we were putting each other through
Words were said and things were done
That shouldn’t have been
The arguments have now subsided
Things left undecided
Words that should have been untouched,
Were touched much too often
“Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me”
So they say
Broken bones heal
Wounds mend
Bruises disappear
All you have is the story to tell,
Or lock away inside
Words are often not forgotten.
Nothing Matters
It matters not
what we do, what we say
no meaning to you or to I
the hurt will go away
just like it came
in and out of our lives
it will drift
like shadows in the night
it creeps throughout
unwilling to reveal
its true identity
it knows not what it does
what we feel
is how 'he' feeds
does it to survive
not to kill
causes us to die
for it to live
nothing matters
Unknown consequences
Lost time we can't get back
Years spent unaccompanied by you
The days are gone
Of what we could have spent
No laughs, but many tears
Promises dangling in the wind
A phone call or two, now and then
Many times you lied
I am untrusting because of you
Time after time I tried to tell you
How you made me feel
How much you have affected my life,
And how much you still do.
Years spent unaccompanied by you
The days are gone
Of what we could have spent
No laughs, but many tears
Promises dangling in the wind
A phone call or two, now and then
Many times you lied
I am untrusting because of you
Time after time I tried to tell you
How you made me feel
How much you have affected my life,
And how much you still do.
(written July 2004)
How we met
We met sometime in January of 06 on Okcupid.com, he sent me a private message, I took a while to respond so he thought I didn’t want to talk to him. We private messaged on there then we exchanged emails and started chatting on Yahoo Messenger. We talked for a few weeks on there. And he asked if he could call me, and I sent my phone number, that night at 3 am or so he called (he works swing shift so it was when he got home) we talked on the phone for EIGHT hours! The time just flew by. We began talking on the phone pretty much daily, phone bills were quite high. We decided to meet on March 25, 2006 from then on we saw each other every weekend. Until I went to Santa Rosa, California to spend time with and watch my niece and nephew, I arrived on a Tuesday the very next day I found out my grandfather had passed away and I had to come back home. Joseph took off work to come and get me; he bought me flowers (how sweet!!) he drove the two and a half hours back to Roosevelt, the viewing was the next day. I went back to California a week later, Joseph and I continued to talk every day, the longer I was gone, the more I missed home. The more I missed him. We got engaged a few months later, moved in together December 1, 2006, and we're getting married October 12, 2007 at noon in his parent’s back yard with approximately 36 people.
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