Life is a journey

I stress out a way to much about music, it’s just music, right? I think that it might have to do with the fact that I've had to endure listening to loud music for most of my life, with all the partying that went on in my home as a child. I spent many, MANY nights with a pillow practically  shoved in my ear. Granted I've never had a good sleeping habits, but this did not help. I hated that I had no say what so ever in what time people were going to be at the house. I was a child, and my opinion didn't matter. I was very scared of most of the people that wandered in and out, the “over the hill “men would stare at me and make me feel uncomfortable.  There were some very scary nights, and days, one that I remember rather vividly, I was 13 maybe 14 she was dating this guy that was in his late 30's early 40's, he was rather infatuated with me, he once stopped on the side of the road and picked me fresh flowers, to most this might not be odd, but he handed them directly to me, I was sitting in the back seat, in the car there was my mom, and two of my friends. It was strange, I got a horrible feeling in my stomach, he was really open about what he thought of me, he made remarks about my body, and how lucky a guy would be to have me. I told my mom about how he made me uncomfortable, and she was mad, AT ME! So I left it alone, until he asked me to run away with him, he told me that he'd give me whatever I wanted. His car, money, whatever I wanted. Finally she took what I was saying seriously. Although I payed for it, for years. Meaning she'd often call me names, saying that I "made him leave" I made all the guys she was "in love with" leave. If It wasn't for me she'd be happy. I kept paying for it, for years after words. For some reason I didn’t ever do anything right, I couldn’t keep the house clean enough, I couldn’t wake up when she wanted. I couldn’t talk to her when she needed me to. I guess I was supposed to automatically know when this was supposed to happen. She’d often yell at me for being lazy, I was either to get a job, or go back to school. According to her all I did was play on the “pooter.” and eat her food. I made to much noise in the kitchen, I didn’t sleep enough. I just wasn’t good enough. Even now that is how I feel, I still feel as if I am not good enough. Everyday can be a struggle, with each day I am learning, that I amworth while!