Over at last

Now i am not saying that getting married and going on a beautiful honeymoon wasn't amazing. Becky and I are so thankful for all the well wishes that we recieved and all the people we got to meet together. But I have to say that we are glad to be home and just be able to live as a married couple. It was really hard to go to work today after taking all these days off and like my brother Jukka says in his blog I have a pile of paper work to do and inventory to count. It seems that in the 10 days i missed from work a months work sprung. Even with that it is good to get to normal life. Becky agrees with everything except me going to work.
It was great spending time with both families and watching them mingle. Becky and I were both alittle worried how some of Beckys neices and nephews would react to Jukka and Göran. But to our delite they loved them. Richard our nephew form Beckys sister Jennifer kept asking if they were coming up cause he missed them. Thats is better that i could ever hoped our family blended seemlesly. I only wish that my sister Tina could of made it with her beautiful children.

Time flys

Last Monday Becky and i got up early to do some pre wedding activities. The first thing we did was go to the city offices and got our Marriage licences. Its funny how as soon as she handed it to Becky that i realized that i was getting married in less that two weeks. The emotions of fear of not being a good enough husband to Becky and excitement of spending my life with her just flooded over me. So much emotions that i actually called of work because it made me fell overwhelmed and a little sick to be honest. We continued to do our shopping and I even though it was close it was still two weeks away.
I remember as a kid that when i was looking forward to something no matter if its 2 weeks or 2 hours it takes forever to get here. So I tried to anticipate it to much. The next thing i know its Sunday night and i am getting married on this Friday. My and here family is coming to town. The day that have been waiting for a year is finally i here. woo hooo i am so excited i can't wait. Its funny every one that has seen me comments how happy and excited i am. Friday is a start of a brand new adventure.

There are the gays at your wedding?

This past week i passed out my wedding announcements to friends and some of my old bosses. I had the usual questions about where Becky and I are getting married, who is marring us and who is in my line. When i get to the last question and answer my Brothers Mark and Jukka and my brother in law Goran. They always ask is Goran married to my sister in Utah or my sister in Mass. Its kind of funny to see there jaws drop when i say that he is my Brothers Jukka's Husband. Then the shocking thing happens. Some people actually have the Gaul to ask why i am having Goran or even my brother Jukka in my line.
Now I know that the Gay marriage ( That Becky and I both support) is a national taboo. Especially in Utah where " If we don't talk about it the problem will go away". But come on are we not in the year 2007 what difference does it make if my brother is gay or not. Am i supposed to love only those that are heterosexual and not those that are different. When Christ said to love everyone did he mean except those pesky gays. It kinda funny how people want to take part of his teachings and throw away those that make them a little uncomfortable.
Where if comes to Goran when Becky and I where talking to about who we want on our line they are the ones i have. I consider Goran and my brother. I love him as much as i love my other two brothers i would never ever exclude him from the happiest day of our lives. Becky agrees that's what i tell all those people that don't understand how to love. Gay or straight doesn't matter family love knows no orientation. Well just wanted to vent i can't understand how people try to make others conform to there way to thinking. I just want to be happy with my family.

I have Neurofibromatosis

Neurofibromatosis (NF) is a genetic disorder of the nervous system which causes tumors to form on the nerves anywhere in the body at any time. This progressive disorder affects all races, all ethnic groups and both sexes equally. NF is one of the most common genetic disorders in the United States (one in every 3,000 to 4,000 births).

NF has two genetically distinct forms: NF-1 and NF-2. The effects of NF are unpredictable and have varying manifestations and degrees of severity. There is no known cure for either form of NF, although the genes for both NF-1 and NF-2 have been identified.

NF is an autosomal dominant genetic condition; it is not contagious. Approximately 50% of those affected with neurofibromatosis have a prior family history of NF. The other 50% of cases are the result of spontaneous genetic mutation. If an individual does not have NF, s/he can not pass it on to his/her children.

Joseph Merrick, whose condition was depicted in the play and film, The Elephant Man, is often incorrectly thought to have had neurofibromatosis. Merrick's condition has been identified as Proteus Syndrome, a disorder similar to NF, but unrelated

Courtesy of www.nfinc.org

My story: When I was born there was a weakness in a bone in my left leg, my parents believed it to be broken, I was taken to the doctor, and they found out that I have Neurofibromatosis type one, also known as NF1 (not sure how many test, if any, were done, or how many cast were put on to help heal my leg, or how many doctors I'd seen) I had 5 surgeries before I was two and a half years old. From stories that I've heard, I had pins and rods put in it, bone taken from my right leg and hip to try to fuse the bone, many body casts, my mom tells me that my foot didn't even look like a foot anymore, it looked more like a club, because of all the casts and surgeries, my mother made a very hard decision... to have her baby girls leg amputated. It was that, or go through who knows how many more surgeries. I had two more since then, one was to fix the growing sharpening bone, and another to make a "bridge" and to fix the nerves so they wouldn't be so sensitive. During the last (6 hour surgery) they removed two neurofibromas (benign tumors.) This was the first I heard that I could develop them, I really hadn't done any research on NF, I now know that I can develop them anywhere in/on my body, that I know of I have at least 5, but I have no idea how many I really have, without getting testing done.

I'm the youngest of three children, the only one that has NF, no one in my family has any signs of it, I have 100's of café-au-lait spots, and there isn't anyone else in the family that meets that criteria, thankfully.

Growing up having NF, a fake leg, was really hard, I really didn't see my self as different because of this disorder, but other kids did, I was made fun of a lot as a child, but I stood my ground, in my eyes I wasn't all that different, People would ask about my spots, a lot comment on them being ugly birthmarks (I always had to correct them, because thats not what they are, and I was proud that I knew that, and proud that I could say such a big phrase.) I was always told that I couldn't do this and couldn't do that, my leg didn't limit me that much when I was little, oh and on top of all that I was diabetic! Sucked for me, no chocolate cake! (I'm not anymore, thank goodness, I "grew" out of it, surprised my doctors thats for sure!)

Now it saddens me to say, when I'm not wearing my leg, using crutches to get around, its adults that stare. Sheesh and they tell their children not to stare. My nephews and nieces used to ask me why people were staring, to them it was "normal" I'd just smile and and say "They don't understand" or "they are just curious." sometimes I would throw in a "they weren't taught, it's not nice to stare."

Insomnia...hmm

Well its 10:12 am according to the little clock at the corner of the screen, up early? (funny how I'd actually consider 10 in the morning early lol) But... No! I haven't slept, we usually don't get to bed until 3-4 since Joseph comes home around 1 or so, so the usual time we get up? Him: 1 o'clock or so, so he can get ready for work. Me: when ever I decided to get up which might be at 2:30 or... most of the time later, since I usually don't go to sleep until about 6, 7..... 10 whenever, I'm usually not affected by this lack of sleep, kinda used to it really. I've been this way for a long as I can remember, I've always had poor sleeping habits, I can go days without sleeping, a few weeks ago I got NINE hours total of sleep in a week, ugh I was hating life then, I HATE taking sleeping pills, they make me feel weird, groggy, and they quickly and stop working, or I feel I'm becoming dependent on them, like I can't sleep without them. I take pain pills and muscle relaxers for my back pain, caused by my prothesis not fitting properly, and or aches and pains, most likely because of the same thing, those don't even help me sleep! *sigh* Oh well! I'll live :)

Hang on

She whispers softly into the wind
here I go again letting my self fall,
fall in love again
I opened a door
Into a living hell
A living nightmare
Which I said I’d never do again
Its there I can tell
the sadness that is concealed
You think you should hide
From the pain you feel inside
To lay it away
For no one to
The wounds cannot mend
Keeping them locked inside

(this poem was written sometime in 2003)

changes in lives

Its funny how quickly your life can change. Its never how you expect it to be. It just seems like yesterday that i wasn't dating anyone and i spent all my time working, sleeping, and playing video games. Then i met Becky i think i knew the first time i talked to her that she was the one i wanted to spend the rest of forever with. when i met Becky I was working 65 hour weeks. I started cutting back on my work load. I had someone more important to be with. I would finnish work about 2:30am on friday night then drive 3 hours to Roosevelt Utah and it was amazing how fast it went. It was like driving home cause she was there. When we got engaged over a year ago it seemed like our wedding day was a lifetime away and then i blinked and here we are two months away. Now I have only alittle time to play my games and i wouldn't change that for anything. Istead of vanquishing video game baddies I am planning for a wedding and trying to save up to buy a house where we can start a family. Life isn't easy i know but its times like this that makes it worth it. I love her with all my heart and will forever.